"There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved."

LGBT PEOPLE IN LOVE
Love, Trust and Commitment

Listed here are video interviews with various everyday gay and lesbian couples talking candidly about their relationships, about the good times and the bad times, about their joys and struggles.

"Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand, to begin with, how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul."

"What are you trying to protect heterosexual marriages from? There isn't a limited amount of love. It isn't a non-renewable resource. If Amy and Barbara or Mike and Steve love each other, it doesn't mean that John and Mary can't."

"I met a young man who was wounded in love, I met another man who was wounded in hatred."
-Bob Dylan

I met her one evening in a club in Atlanta. I quickly became captivated. She was very intelligent and open. She had this appealing curiosity about the world. We talked for hours until the club closed.

I saw her there again the following week. We talked some more and started down the road to friendship. But alas -- I was to leave that weekend to go back to Florida. I gave her my address.

And so a whole chain of letters began. They started out as the "getting to know you" type but then moved on to secret dreams and thoughts.

I was so thrilled when her letters arrived. I'd give a little yip of excitement whenever I found one in my mail box. With every letter I became a little more enthralled with her.

So we started to see each other. I would drive up to Atlanta every few weekends and we made the ordinary magical.

Grocery stores suddenly became happy wonderlands, all because once we went to one together to pick something up and ended up chasing each other around with various food items, sneaking kisses while no one was looking.

Cafes became great places at which to spend hours because we could sit together to talk and gaze into each other's eyes.

I spent the whole month of December in Atlanta. That was perhaps the happiest single month in my life.

I spent it being immersed by her presence. The things we did were fabulous. Once we went up into the Georgia Mountains and we found a wooded valley with a stream. We cuddled under a blanket while we fed each other little finger foods.

I went back to Florida, and within a couple of weeks I received the goodbye letter from her. She felt things had gotten too intense and she just wasn't ready for that. Could we back off and be friends?

I never told her I loved her. I honestly didn't know that I was in love. It had never happened before. I was so caught up in the swell of feelings that I never questioned what I was feeling. Never put a name to my emotions.

A year later, I got a call from her on Valentine's Day. We saw each other that week. Ever since we have gotten together from time to time to talk in some café a couple days out of every year, and something grand has grown.

We've built a loving union that isn't quite a relationship, but is something more than just a friendship.

I finally got to tell her that I loved her, and she came to accept it after a while. She started to tell me that she loved me. This made me angry at first, because I love her romantically, and I knew the love she spoke of was friendship. Her equating the two seemed to diminish what I felt.

But I too have come to accept her love. Our feelings are equal because although they are different in substance, they are the same in their fierce intensity.

I always tell her that one day, sixty years from now, I'll show up on her doorstep bearing flowers and telling her yet again how much I love her.

IN LOVE
Ellen and Portia

Most people agree that Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi make a cute couple. It really is inspiring sometimes to see two people so much in love with each other.

WHO'S IN LOVE?
Famous Gay & Lesbian Couples

Elton John & David Furnish

George Takei & Brad Altman

Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka
TR Knight & Mark Cornelson

Ellen Degeneres & Portia DeRossi
Melissa Etheridge & Tammy Lynn Michaels
Lily Tomlin & Jane Wagner
Jayne Lynch & Lara Embry

WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is Insane... Really

Finally there is scientific validation for the insanity one feels when we fall in love. Researchers have discovered that the brain's chemistry of infatuation is akin to mental illness, which gives new meaning to the phrase "falling madly in love."

The research findings, reported in the February issue of National Geographic, also found that the cocktail of brain chemicals that spark romance are not the same as the ones that foster long-term commitments. So as we celebrate Valentine's Day, we might want to think (which is almost impossible when one's brain is flooded with the delirium of passion) about the longer-term consequences of our libidinous desires.

Those who have felt the unrelenting craziness of passionate love know that reason and reality fly out the window once one's true love enters the scene. Work, bill paying, responsibilities, sleep - even getting regular food - can all fall apart, and we find we have unlimited energies to devote to our beloved. The good news is that the brain has a built in protection mechanism. The insanity doesn't last.

Researchers found that the brains of people in love respond similarly to when it gets a surge of dopamine. Cocaine users describe an increasing tolerance for the drug as time goes by, and a need for more and more of a fix, and lovers' brains do the same thing. After a while the high just wears off. Although the loss of the rush can be a letdown, for those who need to hold down a job and keep the utilities on, it is probably a good thing.

That is not to say that passionate love cannot morph into long-term happiness. Many couples in the studies reported that their first blush of passion was overwhelming, but that as time went on the irresistible urge to bed each other became tempered by another desire, to talk to each other and spend time having fun together in other ways. The relationships that stand the test of time are the ones in which the lovers discover that they actually like each other, as well as drive each other mad with desire.

As each of you celebrate this day of love, we encourage you to enjoy the unquenchable thirst that our brain chemistry provides when we find the one that turns us into that lunatic we hardly recognize as ourselves. Relax and enjoy it. It should be a relief to know that you are not permanently insane, just crazy in love.

And if you're lucky in love too, the one that drives you mad between the sheets will be the same person that you like talk to across the dinner table. Happy Valentine's Day!

Originally printed in PrideSource 2/9/2006
(Issue 1406 - Between The Lines News)

ART OF LESBIAN DATING
Question & Answer

by Chelsea Kaplan
Match.com's Happen Magazine

Q: What's one of the trickiest aspects of the lesbian dating scene?

A: One of the things that I hear ladies talking about the most is how both parties are afraid to be the aggressor. We were all raised with, um, let's see -- zero vocabulary for initiating sex. In fact, for the most part I'd say that those of us raised female are taught that the only way to get dates is to flirt and be coy and hope someone comes along and demands that you go out with them. It's easy with guys; you pretty much just have to stand there and someone will come along and start hustling you for a date. I'm not saying this never happens with girls, but it's rare. If you want to be successful with the ladies you gotta learn to make a move.

Q: How can a woman tell by another woman's body language if she's available and interested?

A: If she's out and by herself, she probably doesn't really want to be alone -- if she did she'd stay home. It's also promising if she's at a table of girls who all seem to be friends. Go ahead and approach her. Ask her a simple question. Check her out in a way that makes her feel hot but don't go overboard or it will seem like you just got out of jail. If she leans into you when you talk to her, it's a sign she's interested. If she likes you, she will encourage you to pay attention to her. She'll ask you to join her, she'll laugh at your jokes, and she'll listen to you.

Q: OK, so what's the next step?

A: I always recommend flattering the object of your attention. Compliment her appearance, her intelligence, her singing voice or whatever it is you notice about her. A long, slow glance and a sweet smile will always get someone's attention. Approach with confidence and ask a girl you're interested in if you can buy her a drink. Try asking her to dance with you or to join you at your table. Listen to her as she speaks, and ask her questions about herself. Whatever you choose, don't ogle her -- you'll seem like a pervert.

Q: How do you deal with your advances being rejected?

A: Being out in the dating world means occasionally facing rejection. If your self-esteem is intact, rejection won't register as much more than a tiny blip on your radar. Reminding yourself on a regular basis that you are attractive and worthwhile can help you start believing it about yourself. Remind yourself as often as you can that you are desirable, but keep in mind that doing so doesn't mean that every person will desire you.

Q: What are some of the best and worst places to meet other women?

A: You know where we meet each other? Through other dykes. For one thing, we recycle exes. Another thing is we all know each other, so we're good at fixing up friends with friends. If you are single and looking, make it known. Tell everyone you know that you want to meet someone. Go to parties or throw a party and tell all your friends that they have to bring along one person you don't know. Get out, get involved. Turn your flirt on and smile at every pretty girl you see.

Joining an activity group of some kind expands your social circle dramatically. Start dropping in on your friend's book-club meetings or get involved with a film festival. You'll meet new people to whom you may be attracted, and you'll also have access to all the people your new friends know, and you may find that you like one of them.

Check out queer film festivals, erotica readings, art openings, yoga, the gym, dance clubs, bars, the library, Pride festivals, activist groups, feminist organizations, LGBT organizations (especially good if you're just out), or any queer-sponsored event.

Q: OK, and the worst places?

A: In my opinion, the worst place to meet women are at giant drunken lesbian events like Dinah Shore. You might meet someone, sure, but she might not remember you the next day.

Chelsea Kaplan is Deputy Editor of thefamilygroove.com and regularly appears as a guest on XM Radio's "Broad Minded" and WBAL Baltimore's "The Shari Elliker Show." Her blog, "I'm Somebody's Mother?" can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com.

LGBT PEOPLE IN LOVE Love, Trust and Commitment

IN LOVE Ellen and Portia

WHAT IS LOVE? Love is Insane... Really

LGBT PEOPLE IN LOVE
Love, Trust and Commitment

IN LOVE
Ellen and Portia

WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is Insane... Really